I'm Leaving

I have to drive down to Clearfield, PA for a funeral today. I'll be back tuesday.

Not that I post as much as I used to, but I thought I'd just let you know.

Anyone important?

I am sorry for the loss to you. Have a safe trip and see you when you get back. The weather is pretty good in that area today just some rain here and there.

Ugh...I've only gone to 3 funerals and they were all for people who died in accidents and way too young. I don't think I could do it again...have a safe trip...

I do hope the funeral will prove therapeutic for you. Drive safe, all that stuff.

I've only been to one funeral and I don't remember it. It was for my great grandfather, who I barely knew. My genes are pretty good for longevity, I assume my family members will all die around the same time when they're all 100 or something. The closest I've been to a funeral lately, though, was for a man I never met. My mother works at a cemetery and this fellow had called to arrange his own burial - he had nobody left, all his family, friends, and children (I think) had all already died and he was the very end of his bloodline. Needless to say, this really got to my mother (but isn't the saddest story ever heard in that particular cemetery) so when the man died a week later we went out and put some flowers on his grave to pay some respect and such.

Off topic, yeah, I just felt like saying more than my first sentence, which was pretty damn lame.

So sorry for your loss. I hate furnerals myself. They can be so depressing.

Sorry for your loss. How close were you?

While we're sharing, I've never been to a funeral...only wakes...3...all open casket...& I was pretty close to all three. Two were related to me, they died from natural causes, and the other was a close friend of mine who fought with drugs and eventually committed suicide a month after ODing and dying for a minute in the hospital. My grandmother can't hang onto life much longer, and that's going to be the worst for me because she has been very very close to me. Her cancer came back and it's growing. She can no longer eat bc her throat has closed up. She's a fighter, and I look up to her the most out of all the people in the world. It's already hard knowing that she's not going to be around for much longer, & it's going to be even harder once she's gone.

I was pretty close, she was my great Aunt. (Grandmother's sister) The only time I came close to crying was when I saw my Great Uncle all alone washing the dishes in his kitchen when we went to visit. He's a pretty helpless man without his wife. He's legally blind, has trouble walking, and can't drive. Nicest man in the world, though. He's coming to live down with some of his children. Poor guy, he was married for 62 years, and (honestly) we all expected (and hoped - for his sake) that he would go first.

This is the second funeral I've been to. The first was to my Dad's when I was two. The only thing I know about that is (from stories) that I climbed under my Dad's casket and started jumping around and singing.

I went to the wakes too...I had to seriously fight with myself on whether or not to go, but I knew I'd kick myself if I did not. For my last friend, I was so afraid, I was afraid to look at him but I knew if it was going to be closed casket I would have had so much anger. Luckily it was open and he did not look different (which is my biggest fear because I want them to look as I remember them) and I was more comfortable. The first friend I lost did not look like himself at all and it smelled so much like formaldehyde. I was too scared to approach him but the second friend I almost could have touched him without flinching.

Eh...anyway...

About that guy who had no family, it may sound selfish of me but I sometimes hope I go before everyone else I know because I couldn't watch everyone else I know leave me...life sure is tough...

Death still does bother me, but I suppose it's something I've learned to accept and deal with. It's a prt of life, we have to accept it eventually, even if we don't want to.

I don't accept it. Not yet...

Only when I'm ready.

Even if you accept it, it will still bother you. It's a giant question mark, and even with our respective beliefs dictating what we believe lies beyond it, it's still frighteningly foreign. What does it feel like? That sort of thing. Anyone who says they aren't afraid to die are likely in denial, or are too oblivious to realize it's a real possibility for them. That's just human nature.

And yet most people would still die to save someone they love. For entirely your reason, Roxy. People know how much it'll hurt to live without someone you love.

So, yeah, Death = eternally and universally scary

I've formed my own opinions. It's easily possible not to fear death, but to simply fear the pain that comes with it. I think that's the actual thing people fear. People can't comprehend the asctual death part, simply the pain, because it's the only thing we've felt in our lives.

Hm, but the question mark is pretty scary. Scarier, probably. Humans fear the unknown and since we really have no idea what's on the other side (or if there even is another side, most people can't handle thinking there isn't) and instinct tells us to avoid situations we cannot control. I don't think you can not fear death, although you can come to terms with the fact the fear is always there. People do feel the pain, though, I don't argue there. Pain is a great motivator, so to speak, and pretty much guides all our actions (next to fear/fear of pain). But most people will still be afraid if they're told they're going to die, even if it's guaranteed it won't be the least bit painful.

I wish I could remember what my Death & Dying professor said when he verbally bitch-slapped a girl who said she wasn't afraid to die. He had a very good point but unfortunately it escapes me at the moment =\

My grandma passed away yesterday at 11<!--s51-->:3<!--/s51-->0am. I miss her already. She was an amazing woman.

WTF dude? I can't put : and 3 together without it doing this ---> <!--s51-->:3<!--/s51-->

I find it more settling to think that there is nothing else, personally.